Where did you get a picture of my penis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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