Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
