How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
