If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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