I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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