I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.