I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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