Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.