so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?