lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
