I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize