Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
