yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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