thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
