Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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