I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think people are normalizing furries
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
