i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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