So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
