Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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