Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
