So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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