Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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