i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
