i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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