remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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