taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
