You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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