Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
