I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
