So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
