I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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