i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
