Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
