Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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