3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
