I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
