This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
