I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
