You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
