I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
