Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
