i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
