new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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