I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
