i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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