the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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