dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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