I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
