The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize