i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
