This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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