You're my little dorito
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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