I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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