don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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