I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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