i jhust puked up my retainher.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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