This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
