I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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