She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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