Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
