As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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