just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
