I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
