Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Someone came in the potted fern
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
